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What is Bisexuality?

Bisexuality can be a confusing topic because people define it in many different ways.

What is bisexuality? The answer varies, depending upon who is asking the question. Is bisexuality defined by identity, behavior, attractions – or some combination of these? Where does bisexuality begin and end? Human sexuality is sometimes seen as a continuum, with same-sex attractions on one end and other-sex attractions on the other. Bisexuality, then, must fall somewhere in the middle. But where? Does bisexuality refer only to the middle point, or 50/50 attraction? Or does bisexuality encompass all the space between the extremes? How much bisexual attraction and/or behavior does it take to make a person bisexual?

Is the concept meaningful across cultures, and does it always have the same meaning? Some cultures may not use the word bisexual, and even in those that do, many people may be unfamiliar with or misunderstand it. Does bisexuality encompass people whose attractions change over time? If you are once bisexual are you always bisexual? If you are in a long-term relationship, do you stop being bisexual and “become” gay or straight? And for each of these questions, who gets to decide?

When talking about bisexuality, it is sometimes useful to distinguish between behavior and identity. Someone who has had sexual experience with or even just attractions to people of more than one sex can be described as bisexual, but may not identify that way. Likewise, one can identify as bisexual regardless of sexual experience. Furthermore, identities can change over time.

Definitions can change too.

    Here’s Robyn Ochs’s story:
    My own understanding of bisexuality has changed dramatically over the years. I used to define bisexuality as “the potential to be attracted to people regardless of their gender."

    Then one day I was chatting with my friend Alberto, who, like me, identifies as bisexual. I tossed out my definition and he looked at me like I was crazy.

    “Regardless of gender? No, no, no! There’s no ‘regardless’ about it for me. For me it’s all about difference. I’m attracted to cheerleaders and football players. It’s precisely the extremes of difference that attract me.” Alberto is attracted to the poles, to super-masculine guys and super-feminine girls.

    Others are attracted to masculinity and/or femininity, regardless of a person’s sex. Some of us who identify as bisexual are in fact “gender-blind.” For others—in fact for me—it’s androgyny or the blending of genders that compels.

    Then, to complicate things further, I have learned a lot from my intersex, genderqueer and transgender friends. I now realize that I had been confusing gender with biological sex and that the two are not synonymous. Though in reality the difference between sex and gender is far more complicated, I find useful the expression, “Sex is between your legs; gender is between your ears.” In real people, sex and gender do not always correspond. I also learned that sex and gender each exist on a continuum; thus there are more than two sexes, and more than two genders. A male-bodied person can identify as a woman, or as a combination of man and woman; and a female-bodied person can identify as a man, or as a combination of man and woman. And some people’s bodies do not fit their cultures’ standards of male or female.

    What does all this mean for our understanding of bisexuality? Dictionary definitions of bisexuality that rely on an idea of “both sexes” are inadequate. As human beings, we live and love in a world that is far more complicated than these narrow ideas allow. Our attractions do not stay within tidy borders, and our understanding of bisexuality must adapt to this. Every one of us must make sense of our own experiences and assign to them our own meaning.

    Here’s my current definition of bisexuality. “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge in myself the potential to be attracted, romantically and/or sexually, to people of more than one sex, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

How do I know if I'm bisexual?

Here's some good advice from other people:

So, what I always suggest to people -- of any age -- who suspect or know that they're bisexual, but are worried about how to identify in terms of telling the truth is this: we're not psychic, and we can't see the future. We can't speak for the selves we'll be ten, twenty of forty years from now. The only self we know is who we are right now, and that's the person to speak for. If something changes for you later on, that's okay: not only do people GET to change we SHOULD change -- we call that personal growth, and it's what we should all aim for. No one should expect us to be the person we were once, only the person who we are right now." ... (read the rest of this article)

Don't worry about not knowing for sure right away. Sexuality and self-knowledge develops over time, and you should feel no pressure to identify in any particular way to please other people. Follow your own heart, it all comes down to what makes you feel most comfortable and what you perceive yourself to be ... (read the rest of this article)

The bottom line is this: No one else can -- or should -- tell you what you are or what you should be. You are the one who gets to decide what to call yourself. When you're ready. And over time, as you learn more about yourself, it's OK if you change your mind.

DID YOU FIND WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR at This page is alive and changing. What did you like about this site? What else are you looking for that isn’t here (yet)? Do you have any questions left unanswered? Are there any great materials (videos, websites, books, blogs, etc. that you know of that you think we should share here? The Bisexual Resource Center wants to hear from you, and we are just one click away. Email the author of the Bi Youth pages, Robyn Ochs.

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